Bad things....good people and vice versa

A good friend of mine and I have had an ongoing conversation about how bad things always tend to pile up on good people. You think you are living your life in a good way. You are being good to others, taking the high road even when you are hurt, trying your best to be honest, decent and loyal. Working and taking care of your family, cruising along keeping to yourself and then bam! A giant speed bump in the form of some disaster or another. Disasters come in all shapes and sizes. To some it can be a refrigerator going out, a car battery dying or someone in the family getting sick. But the smallest issue can become so enourmous to us when piled on top of so many other things that life throws at us. We sit and we look around at people that we know are not living a good life, who are hurting others and living with no care and consideration to anyone else and we have to wonder how they can possibly be doing so well. My friend has the theory that bad people don't suffer because they are already living a bad life, why do they need to be swayed over and pushed to the brink? They are already there. But despite the fact that things always seem to work out for them, in the end they to will reap what they sow. We see them in a light of getting away with everything and they put on this big front that they are so happy in life and do not care what anyone else thinks. But I think the reality of it is they are more miserable than any of us. But instead of being depressed or seeming like a "Debbie Downer" to the world they instead strive to make everyone around them just as hurt and sad as they are. The fact of life is none of us live in a perfect world. We all have bills and hurts and worries and disappointments. It is just a matter of who is honest about them and who pretends they don't exist. But pretending does not make them go away. I wish that we would all realize that by being honest with one another we could help each other a great deal. I know in the times that things have been the hardest I have felt so alone. Like I was the only one in my world that was having to deal with so much being put on them. But in sitting and talking to my good friend I realized that it was not just me. That I was not alone. It was not like having someone wallowing in it with you but instead like having someone to lean on as you trudged through the muck. Lately, it seems as though I have been doing a lot of...well I guess we will call it housekeeping, in the friend department. I prayed for clarity and I think I got it. In the past month, I have really begun to see some people in a new light. Friends that I thought were trustworthy, honest and almost like family to me are suddenly proving themselves otherwise. It is disappointing, hurtful and infuriating but it is also the eye opener that I think I needed. I can not move on with my new life in the direction that I need to go while still carrying the old baggage. I have done a lot of changing and a lot of growing up in this new chapter of my life. By no means was it a straight and easy road. I made a lot of bad choices along the way. But I am finally getting my priorities straight. I have discovered that by living my life in the open I have less worries of being a part of the rumor mill. Sure gossip will always be around. But if you don't put yourself in that position there is only so much that can be said. I have discovered the fragililty of a good reputation. The value of a good honest friend and the pricelessness of family. I have discovered that running is not always the answer and that it's ok to keep up some walls to protect yourself as long as you occasionally put in a few gates to give people a chance. I have found out that sometimes it is ok to sit and have a good cry and that having a friend to hold you while you do is not embarassing but soothing. And I have finally realized that sometimes guarding what you say and not being completely honest out of fear of hurting them can do more damage than chancing their temporarily hurt feelings. I am still not quite where I need to be. I have some work left to do but I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I say all this because I want to point out to everyone that life is not perfect, not for anyone. You have setbacks, heart aches, you lose people but you gain new ones along the way. I have always believed that things will align as they should if you do what is right along the way. Think back right now and you can probably come up with ten or fifteen things that have happened just this year that were "disasters". I know I can. But I made it through them. How much easier would it be to make it through if you had known someone else was beside you? How hard is it to sit and be honest and say, "You know what I am hurting too." Instead of pretending that you have no clue what they are going through and in essence kicking them while they are down? How hard is it to occassionally pick up a phone, send a text, comment, message or even a card and say you know what I sure love having you as a friend. How many times during those rough spots would it really have helped you to have had someone call and say "I just wanted to say I am glad to have you around" or sent you a comment and said "Let's grab dinner and gripe a while". Sometimes I think that we believe they will think that we are being corny or stupid but what would it hurt. What does it hurt to open up and be honest about your setbacks, hurts or fears. We celebrate the good stuff together why can't we huddle together during the storms? The fact is we never know when the little stuff is going to become to much for someone to bear. How many times have you stopped and thought about sending something or saying something or just doing something nice for someone but just didn't get it done. Then later found out that they could have really used it. Or God forbid discovered that it is to late to let them know. If you have something on your mind spill it today. Trust me, you will feel better...

The trip to Georgia

Our family, being part Irish and part Cherokee Indian, has been very fotunate to be invited to be a part of a pretty big event coming up in the world and as a result of it was invited to a land blessing ceremony this weekend in Dalton, Georgia. My Mom, two of my aunts and I drove down early Friday morning for the event not really sure exactly what was going to take place. We arrived Friday afternoon and checked out the town and the historic downtown. Met up with other family members who were also there for the event and then settled in for the night as we knew the next day would be a long one. The area was beautiful! Mountains everywhere reflecting off of lakes and ponds. The trees were just starting to change colors and they were experiencing their first cold spell so it was a perfect fall day. We drove up to the area around 9:30 that morning after a brief meeting at our hotel with Daphne (our hostess with the mostest LOL). We got on to the property just before 10:00 and they immediately started setting everything up so we just stood there in wonder. First the elder drew out a circle on the ground in tobacco which we were not to cross over. He left an opening on the east and that was the only way anyone was to enter or leave. A large group of buzzards had gathered overhead. Something the Indians see as evil. One of them laughed and said but not for long. They pulled out schofars these were horns of various sizes made from animal horns and shells. Starting in the east we turned as they blew the horn in each direction and then let out a warcry. This was to frighten away all evil. They said that it confuses evil into believing that it is the final trumpet of the end times and they become scared and leave. Sure enough...the buzzards were gone. After this was done and everything was properly set out the "smudging" began. This is something I have seen done in a lot of religions. They take a bundle of sage and light it, then blow it out leaving it smoldering and smoking they place it in a bowl. Then they come to each person and fan the smoke on you with a feather as they pray. This is a cleansing ritual to purify before you step into the circle. Once we had been properly smudged we entered. One of the Indian men there had brought a dog and I had noticed the dog looking up and that they were looking at something. Later I found out that they are considered the "watchers" and that there were two eagles flyng over head which is considered a very good sign. Sounds were sang in the Cherokee dialect with animal skin drums and flutes it was really beautiful and amazing to watch. Looking around the group there were all sorts of people from all different backgrounds. Jewish, Indian, Catholic, Protestant and many more. There were 32 of us there in total. And throughout the ceremony I kept noticing things pulled from different religions. We took communion as in most churchs but buried the leftover sacraments to return them to the ground. Did more ceremonial songs and in the end passed a ceremonial peace pipe. It was a beautiful pipe with a rock turtle on the bottom just large enough to cover my hand with a long stem coming upward. It was never to be without someones left hand holding the base. You passed it from your left hand to the next persons then spun the stem from them to you. Unfortunately we were not allowed to take pictures during certain parts of the ceremony and this was one of those parts. (Despite popular belief it was only tobacco. LOL) And was a very important part of their ceremony and beliefs as smoking with someone sealed the deal. There was even a "witness stone" there. This was a rock, covered with nicks and scratches, from each of the times it had been used to witness a contract being made this way. It is said that if you were to break your contract the rocks would cry out to testify against you. After a final closing prayer we all left to have a late lunch together. It was so interesting to sit and speak with them. They had so many great stories to tell and once again reinforced my belief that all religions are connected and their "Schula" (evening star) is our "God". He told the story about how they were once only one tribe until they tried to build a ladder to the Creator and he got angry and knocked it down scattering them everywhere and giving them different languages. Sound familiar? Kind of like the Tower of Babel story from Christianity? See what I mean? Religion has always interested me. But also irritated me that people are so closed minded to believe that they are the only ones who are right. If only they would watch, listen and experience something else they would discover we are all talking about the same thing. It was such a great weekend and I really felt honored to have been able to be a part of something like this. There are a few pics up in my albums for you to check out. I am very anxious to see what leads from this....Stay tuned...

In the beginning...

Ashley came up with the great idea for us to start blog sites to keep in touch with all of our distant friends and family and I have to say I think it is a pretty good idea. I hope that all of you will join in and be a part of this. I really don't know where to start, so I figure the present is as good a place as any. I have been living in Caruthersville now for the past six years. I bought a cute little house and finally settled down after all of those years of living out of a box and suitcase. Hard to believe I know! I have to admit I still struggle with a little, I don't know I guess you can call it an itch, of not wanting to sit still so long but Micah is happy and content and that is what matters for now. I work for the Chamber of Commerce here in town. Planning events and helping with a variety of things here in the City. In my "spare time" (I know funny huh) I teach children's theatre and direct the adult theatre. Which I really enjoy. We are currently working on a radio version of the classic "It's A Wonderful Life". If you are around December 6th or 7th you should stop in! Ok, let's see what else is there to know? I am a travel fanatic and love to go. Micah is 9 now, going on 32. She will actually be 10 in December which is just craziness in my mind. She is almost as tall as I am and has discovered that she can borrow some of my clothes. She is very outgoing and doesn't meet a stranger. And is incredibly mature for her age. She is in the theatre group and plays basketball and softball and is lots of fun to be around. More to come but for now I am going to post a few "blast from the past" so if you are on myspace these will be old news to you. But if not...enjoy :)

The Coolest Place in the World...

It has been a little while since Les and I have been able to go somewhere because my weekends have been pretty well booked. I had an event get cancelled last weekend so we decided to take full advantage of it and get out of town. We took Joe Morgan and Micah to St Louis to the City Museum, a place Micah and I had been before and really loved. I have to say that this could be hands down THE coolest place on earth. If you have not been I HIGHLY recommend you go. It is in downtown St Louis and it is not your typical museum. Imagine a place where there is the most beautiful and unusual pieces of art everywhere and everything is meant to be touched or climbed on. Kids disappear behind benches and trees and into crevices everywhere. The whole place is basically one big playyard. There is a section of tree houses and caves, industrial area with a four story spiral slide that is crazy fast!! (If you have not yet then check out the video on my profile, it’s dark and you can not see but you will hear the greatest sound on earth....a true giggle:) ) A slide goes from the 3rd floor to the first if you don’t want to take the stairs. As a matter of fact most of the caves and everything are pretty dark so if you have a kid that’s a little nervous in dark places I recommend one of those little head lights that they can wear. Don’t even begin to attempt to carry a flashlight or anything else for that matter. I had to bring my camera along but it was a pain to keep constantly rotating it around. Where to really begin when there is so much. First off I showed them one of the secret passageways in the tree so that Joe Morgan would know what to start looking for. Then we went over to this bench where there was a small hole beneath it and wiggled down through it to find ourselves in a shaft that went underneath the floor of the main room. In the giant tree trunk Micah went first but when she hit the narrow part where you have to lay flat out and just wiggle through she got stuck and caught the giggles and couldn’t move so I was trying to shove her through...then got myself stuck and giggling as well....she ended up pulling me out. We climbed through caves where I kinda got used to hearing "Oh its really dark here let Stina go first". Keep in mind in all our pics that we had no light other than the flash on our camera. Outside we climbed all over the side of the building, through planes and gang planks. Micah laid on her side to slide along the bottom of the walk FOUR STORIES ABOVE THE PARKING LOT!! We watched part of the circus where kids performed some pretty cool stunts. Visited the Bizzaro Beatnik Bar for a little break. Had some pics taken in a photo booth...I have to scan those in! We had intended to spend a few hours there then take the kids for lunch somewhere fun. Six and a half hours later we decided we were not going to be making it anywhere else so we headed out and stopped by one of my old favorites the Trailhead Brewery for dinner. The kids pretty much passed out as soon as we got back in the car...which was a good thing since AS USUAL I got pulled over AGAIN!! What else can I do anymore but laugh. State Rod got me in St Louis, pulled me over, comes to the passenger window and says "Do you know what you were doing wrong?" I of course said no. He says...."You were speeding, following to close, never used your signal, have expired tags and a kid that is not in a booster seat. Can you do ANYTHING right?" Then he says, "Do you have any excuse as to why you can not follow any of our rules?" I smiled and said "Cause I am a country hick?" So after he paused to get his serious face back on, he lectured me a little and let us go. THANK GOD!! You know no trip is complete without a little drama. LOL Needless to say it was an awesome way to spend the day. I was so worn out and sore, my knees and shins are bruised and skinned. My arms and back ache. But I can’t wait to do it again!

The Legend of Kermit....

Once upon a time....many, many moons ago....I had a slight, ok maybe it was a little more than slight, but I had a large fascination with Sesame Street and more over Kermit the Frog. I had the Kermit the Frog doll that I wagged around with me everywhere. I had to fly out to Michigan for a wedding when I was about 6 or 7 and Mom suggested I pack him in a suitcase for the flight. It really upset me because I was afraid he would have his feelings hurt to be squished in there and not get to see anything. So he went along with me...through the xray machine and on to the plane where he was buckled up beside me and served by the flight attendant. I had a big attachment to him second only to the Kermit the Frog Stocking holder that I had. Every year at Christmas it had to be the first thing unpacked and hung up and I had to be the one to do it. It was in it's orginal box and I can still remember the smell of it now. (I know corny but I relate a lot of things back to smells.) It had been mine since I could remember and I used it every year even as I got older. My Kermit the frog doll was pirated by a couple of jerks at church one year and his eyeballs were ripped off. I cried for days over it because I wasn't able to "save" him. But I still had my stocking holder. Now, most of you who know me, know that I am not a very sentimental girl BUT this is one area that I was very very sentimental in. When I moved out of the house I refused to take him with me because I knew we would be moving a lot and I didn't want to chance anything happening to him. So every year he went back on the fireplace at my parents. Then about 6 years ago I purchased my house and that year at Christmas Mom gave him to me so that he could hang on the fireplace at my house. Well, Micah thought that it was intended for her and unpacked it only to accidently drop it and shatter it. I was absolutely sick over it but did not want her to know. It was beyond fixing. Over the years I looked everywhere. Ebay, the Muppet Shop, Halmark stores, you name it. As a matter of fact just last weekend I even stopped and looked through the Halmark section at Kohl's but no luck. Then my sister comes up for the weekend for a wedding and while she is here we host a prebirthday celebration for her. Before she opens her gifts she hands me what she calls an early Christmas present. Ashley is a very giving person so I was not surprised. I opened it to find the Kermit the Frog stocking holder box and for a moment thought she was teasing me until I realized it was not my box. Surely enough she had found an exact replica of my Kermit!! I was very excited but more than anything just shocked. Needless to say Micah has been warned that I am the only one allowed to touch Kermit. :) Kermit is currently hanging out on my dresser, I was not ready to put him away until Christmas. It's funny how something so small and silly can mean so much to you. But it really did. More than the actual physical thing I think it was that Ashley had taken the time to hunt up this important piece of the past for me. Thanks Ash!! I love you! Watch for Kermie's Debut pics to come soon!

The Day the Bottom Dropped Out...

For those of you who do not know and for those of you who somewhat know, here is what happened. Thursday I was sitting at work, about to go to lunch when I received a call from a State Trooper named Bill Britton. Evidently my dad had been driving down Hwy U when he started having serious pains in his arms and chest. He swerved over trying to get to the shoulder, the trooper saw that something was wrong and stopped. Dad told him that he thought he was having a heart attack and Bill put him in his car and rushed him to PMHS. When I arrived with my mom, Bill met us at the door and said that Dad was talking but they were doing a lot of tests and we could not go back yet. Over and over again Bill told us that he had never traveled this route and just that day felt he should change his scenery. We believe with all our hearts that God put him on that path. Once they got him stable enough he was airlifted to Southeast in Cape Girardeau. Mom hurried to join him while I rushed to the airport to pick up my sister. From there we went straight to the hospital. He had a massive heart attack which shut down the entire left side of his heart. His major artery on the left side (known as the "widow maker") was 100% clogged and another one was 80%. They put in three stints and did a balloon angioplast?? Had it not been for Bill being there he would not be with us today. This morning he finally got to come home and we are all relieved and thankful to have him there. He still has a long road ahead of him but I think he is ready for it.
I wanted to thank everyone for all the texts, calls, emails, comments, prayers, thoughts and just, well, everything. It was not an easy weekend but thanks to all of you, it was a little easier to deal with. It is times like this that you see who really cares and who your true friends are. Thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules to think about me and my family. I was amazed at how the calls came rolling in checking to see if I needed someone to keep Micah, or watch the dogs (a million and one thanks Karol!!), pick up Ashley, to check on my house, bring us things and more. I guess sometimes in life you have to be reminded of what is really important. That morning I had been fussing to Ashley saying how crazy things currently were at work and at home. In a matter of seconds none of that mattered anymore. I don't know what I would do without my Dad. He is such an amazing man. He has worked hard for our family all of his life and is everything to all of us. I am so thankful for Bill listening to that little voice and changing his route. For all of the wonderful and kind Doctors and nurses along the way and for God watching over our family. I feel very blessed to have you all in my life. And to know that when the bottom drops out you are there. Hold your family a little tighter the next time you get the chance. I love you guys!

Louisiana Weekend Away

It has been a while and I had promised Ashley this weekend for a while now so off we went! Micah and I left Thursday night a little sad because our faithful sidekick Leslie could not get out of work to go with us. It just was not the same. But there were a lot of giggles and fun along the way and it was some much needed time to ourselves. She is a great copilot and quite frankly at nine years old has to make less bathroom stops then my regular copilot...sorry Les but its true! :) We were not able to leave until I got out of rehearsals that night so it was a late start. Around 1 am we decided to stop in Jackson MS for the night because her throat was sore from talking so much and I was worn out. We were very blessed in the fact that we managed to skirt all the storms that night and not have so much as a drop of rain on us. Was a cool lightening storm though. We got up the next morning around 8 and Micah picked breakfast...she wanted the continental at the hotel. Very thrifty of her but I have to give Leslie this one...you are a way better food picker! Back into the car where our new motto became "Cause we are girls and we can!" Which gave us an excuse to eat candy for lunch. Gonna pay for it when I get dressed Monday I feel it. We made it into Fort Polk around 2:00 and checked in and then went on post (see I am not calling it base anymore!) 5 minutes in and I get pulled over by the MP for speeding....28 in a 25, they don’t play. But they were really nice and they let me go. We found the house and started unloading. Oh I forgot about the pic! LOL So we brought a bunch of stuff that Ashley didnt get to take on the move. There was summer clothes, a stereo, a chair..yes a chair and a few other things but there was this enormous picture that would not fit in the trunk...due to the chair so we put it in the back seat. Micah fought that dang picture the entire trip. Moving it this way and that way and banging it and then it squeaked against the window. If she were allowed to curse she would have used them all on that poor picture. She was very happy to see it unloaded. Once we settled in, of course our first concern as always was food and making plans for dinner that night. We went shopping in town and then went to pick up Aaron at "work". I got the tour of the place which was very, very cool. I wish I had been allowed to take pics. But they are pretty serious about no cameras and it makes sense. Lets see I got to see the helicopters, humvees, his office, his office that he was locked in on his first day...lets just say the military doesnt know about hazing laws :) I got to see the top secret bar...that was the coolest. And a few other things I won’t mention for fear of getting in trouble. Needless to say Micah and I were impressed. We went back to the house to drop him off so that we could check out the PX, the neatest shopping spot ever, and then over to the commissary for groceries. I so love all the different names. We decided to stay in for the night. Micah and I were a little tired anyway and knew the next day would be a busy one. We cooked a ton of appetizers and just hung out and talked until we could not stay awake any longer. The next morning we got up and went to the Cajun Fest on post. Let me just say WOW. It was so much fun being on that side of an event. Not having to run around and work was great. There was awesome Cajun music, A gumbo contest, lots of kids games and rides and things, FOOD....gumbo, corndogs, crawdads, gator sauce (Aaron and I decided it is what you get when you squeeze a gator real hard then pour it over rice), beignets, hot tamales, hot dogs, burgers, and all kinds of other goodies. Needless to say I was stuffed. Kind of gave me the idea to have a crawdad cookoff the Thursday before Meat on the Mississippi what do you guys think??Anyway, we were worn out and a little sunburnt so we headed in for cold showers and naps. Then got up and raced to get ready for the play we were going to. The theatre on post was doing "The Brothers Grimm" let me start by saying they have an amazing theatre that I was so jealous of. And let me end it there. Because it truly was Grimm....to the exent that we left at intermission. We dropped off their friend Terria because she was not feeling well. (She is a really great friend of Ashley’s whose husband is over the post but currently in Iraq). So then we went to the bowling alley...again right there on post (THEY HAVE IT MADE!!) It was Cosmic bowling and we met up with their friends Marion and Throy (he is currently in charge on post) I had met them on our last trip there and they are tons of fun. She reminds me so much of my friend Julie’s mom. We had a blast, the music was great, the lanes were fun, it is so amazing how the whole place is like one big family reunion all the time. Kids run around and play without any concern. It is such a great place and I would so move there if I could. Micah eventually gave out on us and parked at the snack counter for a while until we finished up our games and then we all headed back to the house. I had to get up the next morning to make that wonderful 9 hour drive home. It was really tough to leave. I know this was probably the last time I will get to see Aaron before he heads overseas. He is such a great guy. I could not have picked any better for my little sister. I hate to see him go over but I admire him for it. Have you ever really stopped to think about what it takes to pick up and leave your family, home and all of your comforts to go over and sit in a giant sandbox. To be told what to do and when to do it 24/7. To be extremely hot or cold all the time. To never know when someone is out to get you. And all for the sake of what? Giving us our freedoms that we take for granted? Going over there and never knowing if you are coming home or not?For us to sit here and stab one another in the back, hurt one another and create our own hells. Its very sad. I guess as you can tell the 9 hour car trip gave me some time to do so soul searching. I have made a lot of mistakes lately. I have to do some reprioritizing and I have to let go of some baggage I have been toting around. There comes a time when the past has to be the past and slates have to be wiped clean. More over I think there comes a time when you have to realize that no two people are alike and you can’t categorize them all based ..xperience. I have some work to do on me. A good friend of mine told me a while back that until you learn to live by yourself you have no business with anyone else. He was right but he should have added until you can learn to live WITH yourself. Didn’t mean for this blog to go sentimental. But I am a little sad tonight. Was a great weekend though and some much needed time with my favorite little sister :)

My side of the Ohio trip story...

Ok, everyone is asking so here it is in all its glory, in one lump form . Ash and I left Thursday after work a little earlier than planned on our latest road trip. It was going pretty well, was supposed to make it in 9 hours and 45 minutes but were making way better time. All was well until we stopped at a gas station that was supposed to have Burger King in it. That is where I feel everything went down hill. Burger King closed 15 minutes earlier and we were both starving. Ashley convinces me that gas station hot dogs are "the best". So we grab one, load it up with mustard and off we go after a few jokes about the truck stop hosting an "Asian Massage" area...don't ask! I tried really hard to eat the hotdog but I just couldn't. Now. I have some great video of what happened next but I am afraid it could incriminate us. The end results were that she has terrible aim or else a hot dog does not have good wind resistance at high rates of speed. Needless to say we were still on our way and were doing great up until Aaron jinxed us. (Yes I feel that part of this is his fault as well.) I had slowed down a bit because of his fussing and was still making good time when I saw the cop. Unfortunately he saw me too. Even more unfortunate was the fact that I had a ticket back in June that I was hassling with the State of Tennessee over and they had suspended my license. (mom was with me and can prove that I was given a ticket wrongly!) He took my info and went back to the car. Came back a few minutes later...surprise surprise and asked me to come back to the car. I was trying to get my shoes back off and stumbled a little so he probably thought I was drunk. Then he asked me to put my purse on his front seat while he put me in back and I thought his window was down and was gonna toss it in...but it wasn't (I am such a dork!) So then I tried to break the ice by asking if he wanted my cell to which he replied only if it is a gun. I said, well it is new and has lots of features but I haven't found that one yet. But you never know...he didn't think it was funny. He ran Ashley's drivers license to make sure she could drive and had her follow us up to a local gas station so that I could get a money order to pay my bond. Out of this we learned three very important things....1 I have to slow down because this may be the beginning of my downward spiral! 2 Never travel in your pajamas and 3 always carry enough money to get yourself out of jail. We finally got there around 3 AM safe and sound and with everyone loaded with jail bird jokes. That night we got to meet Aaron's family. They were absolutely wonderful!! I am really glad that she has found not only a wonderful guy but a really great second family. Throughout the weekend we did a lot of shopping, ate lots of great food from Tony Packo's hot dogs (ya know from MASH) and some delicious lamb and rice wrapped grape leaves YUM!! And on Saturday night went to a great little Mexican place for my cousins birthday called Loma Linda's. The food was wonderful! So all in all it was a really great weekend. We are home safe and sound. I have a little business to take care of before I get back in the car and go any where far but won't be long.....